i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
