So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
