my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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