so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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