just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's shark week go big or go home
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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