Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
