Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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