I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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