I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
