god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
