I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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