dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
