Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
