i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
