I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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