What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
