I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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