i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
