small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
