Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
