i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
