You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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