Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
