Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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