how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
