After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
In America we eat man semen.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
