im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Porn is love you can see.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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