I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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