dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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