Don't you send me to vm
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
