a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
