just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
