Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
