do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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