i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
