Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
