i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
