go do what you do best...puke behind churches
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
