uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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