Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
