I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
