I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is wine microwaveable?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
