I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
