so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
