3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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