dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's blow job season.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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