low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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