its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
