If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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