Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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