and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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