fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize