the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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