i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
